Thursday, March 9
What better way to start the weekend than with a show full of trashy party girls and a beefy hunk DJ. Throw in liquor and it sounds like my prom after-party, except the hunky guy screwed all the trashy girls and I got to film it. That was the start and end of my porno film career. It was before shake proof cameras, and I hadn’t been taught the evils of lemon gin and tequila shots. Starring Gia Metric, Jane Smokr, Kendall Gender, Synthia Kiss, Valynne Vile and the always delectable DJ Nick Bertossi.
Showtime 11:30pm. The Junction, 1138 Davie St. Cover $6. junctionpub.com
Friday, March 10
To avoid confusion, yes, the clocks do go forward this weekend, but no, not tonight. I guess people are busy on Sunday, so Saturday is the Gordon Neighbourhood House 75th Anniversary: Spring Forward, featuring live performances, a local DJ, a silent auction, and delicious canapés by Chef Chris Whittaker of Forage Restaurant.
7–10pm. Gordon Neighbourhood House, 1019 Broughton St. Tickets online are in three tiers: $25, $50 (comes with one drink and one raffle ticket) and $75 (comes with two drinks and two raffle tickets). facebook.com/events/1419483121419190/.
Wet & Wild
This is the way I like to start my partying these days: beefy shower strippers, hunky go-go men, a hot DJ and a room full of drooling, horny, shirtless men ready for anything or anyone who will say yes. Every week I go to see Addison Reed and his tightly packed jockstrap — that thing has to explode soon, it’s stretched out tighter than a snare drum. Join me in the front row in case I faint. Nick Bertossi spins and some of the sexiest staff in town is at your command. Always a fun night to entertain friends and tourists.
9pm–late. Pumpjack Pub, 1167 Davie St. Cover $5. facebook.com/thepumpjackpub/
Believe it or not, the queen is back on Davie Street. No, not Bill Monroe, the younger one. Joan-E is back with a vengeance at her new monthly show, a night of decadent drag and salty stories that would curl your mother’s ears. Every second Friday of the month join Joan-E and her special guests as they transport you to a bawdy Las Vegas show lounge. The show starts a bit later because Joan-E volunteers as the shower fluffer across the street, so get the girl a drink, she deserves it.
Doors 9:30pm, show 10:45pm. The Junction, 1138 Davie St. Cover $5. junctionpub.com/events/queenplease/
Eye Roll: Another F%&+NG ’90s Party
This should be called another F%$+NG Peach Cobblah party. Just when you thought the old gal had disappeared, turns out she was just sleeping it off. Peach has been working that gigantic booty off in Elbow Room: The Musical, which I know you all saw. Tonight she’s back for a bang up show with Carlotta Gurl. They were both born in the ’90s — right, the 1890s. Crack out your best Hypercolor shirts, puffy vests and seashell necklaces. Like, oh my God.
10:30pm–3am. XYYVR, 1216 Bute St. Cover $6. facebook.com/events/196900834120087/
Saturday, March 11
Draft Day Party
Spring is in the air, and WESA softball is right around the corner. Can’t you just smell last year’s jockstraps? Come meet, be social and find out what team you’re on this year as the yearly Draft Day Party takes over Numbers. Whether you are a player, supporter or just have a fetish for balls, this party is always a huge success. Season opener is Sunday, April 30.
3pm. Numbers Nightclub, 1042 Davie St. No cover. wesa.net/
Sailor Moon Burlesque
If you’ve ever watched Sailor Moon, you know it’s not Shakespeare. It’s girl power, fluff and skimpy little costumes — a cosplayer’s dream. You either like it or you don’t. Personally, I feel a bit like a dirty old man if I watch it. But now Moonage Kingdom Live brings us Sailor Moon-inspired theatre and burlesque, where queer feminists merge their magical girl power and love for geek culture into entertainment for you. Somehow I feel the audience will be a sea of men, all dressed as their favourite character.
7–10pm. The Rio Theatre, 1660 E Broadway St. Tickets $30–$50 available at moonagekingdom.com/media.
Leather Social & Gear Night
Join the Vancouver Men In Leather at their monthly social, catch up with old brothers and meet new ones. Bring some experienced or curious fetish-friendly friends; fresh meat is always welcome. To help kick-off Rubbout at the end of March, you are encouraged to don rubber, leather, or anything that makes you feel sexy. Do you sigh when you look at your boots? Is your puppy hood looking worn? Sounds like you need to sit for a bootblack! Come out to the social and let Figaro love your leather while you wear it. Stick around after for PJ’s monthly pump night; after all, you’re already dressed for it.
8–11pm. Pumpjack Pub, 1167 Davie St. $5 cover kicks in at 9pm. facebook.com/groups/vancouvermeninleather/
I look forward to this party as much as my friend Sydney, as a young boy, looked forward to the Sears catalogue. Growing up in the boonies, all the boys waited for the Sears catalogue to come, ran to the bathroom and flipped to the underwear pages. Those men in the ads had pieces of bread shoved in the crotch to stop VPL, but not the boys of Score. Those bartenders in jockstraps are a sight to behold. I think I drink more at this party in hopes of a ball or a tip falling out. This year featuring a best jockstrap photo contest with live voting. Some even dare to ice skate in them; now that is a winner.
XY White Party Palm Springs Kickoff
The part I hate — well one of many things — about the Palm Springs White Party is that I look like the Pillsbury Dough Boy all in white. Not the cute one on the side of the package, either, but the giant mother in Ghostbusters. And then flying home with the circuit party drug hangover is not fun at all. Some of us are getting a bit long in the tooth for that, not that we would admit it. Here is your answer: TFD brings you the Palm Springs White Party kick-off right here at home, steps away from your own bed or, even closer, the bath house. DJ Rafael Calvente on deck all night long and a two performance night from one of the most exciting performers in the scene, Coco Klein. There’s even White Party swag!
It may be a week early, and the only leprechauns are the tiny folk who come out when you’ve had one too many, but Man Upp has crossed the border, hopefully, with their hot harness and jockstrap party for St Patrick’s Day. Those Americans always trying to get one up on us. The best DJ of all is Canadian Nick Bertossi, and that is one hot FuKr.
Sunday, March 12
Youth Unleashing Power
An amazing fundraiser to help with the costs of bringing HIV- and Hepatitis C-positive youth to connect with each other at Lake Cowichan for a symposium.
Doors 6:45pm, show 7:30pm. The Junction, 1138 Davie St. Cover suggested $5 with all proceeds going to YUP junctionpub.com/events/youth-unleashing-power/
Sanctuary: Romeo And Juliet
Tonight, Alma B Itches and her daughter Rich Elle pay tribute to one of the best movie soundtracks ever: Baz Luhrmann’s Romeo and Juliet. Set in the modern-day city of Verona Beach, the Montagues and Capulets are two feuding families whose children meet and fall in love. It’s still the same timeless story of “star-crossed lovers.” All I know is if Alma is Juliet, that balcony better be reinforced.
11pm–2am. 1181, 1181 Davie St. No cover. facebook.com/events/1330245770401446/
Monday, March 13
One of, if not the, best shows of the year, supporting Positive Living BC. An event featuring an all-star cast of local Illusionists, dancers, models, designers, fashion retailers, hair stylists, makeup artists and many more who are uniting to support the 5,700 HIV-positive members across BC. Another fabulous Dean Thullner show produced by Volume Studio Productions.
Tuesday, March 14
Tax Workshop For Sex Workers
An excellent workshop for a group I never really thought of filing tax returns. But they have the same questions as anyone: what can be claimed as a deduction, how can I claim taxes if what I do is illegal, and what are the pros and cons of filing? Join for a tax workshop and Q&A with a qualified tax specialist, and put your mind at ease.
Wednesday, March 15
Mail A Card To Trump Day
I’m sure all the suggestive naked male postcards will be flying off the shelves at Little Sister’s for this. Gays everywhere are tired of being Trumped, and here’s a chance to show him the world of gays are watching and demanding change. Mail a postcard to Donald Trump, and overwhelm him with opposition from all corners of the world. Show the media and politicians what standing with him — and against us — means. Most importantly, bury the White House post office in pink slips, informing Donnie he’s fired. A must do. facebook.com/events/1352808424783587/
Author: Tom Coleman